Cruel Summer
by Bexpotter
Summary: COMPLETE Post GOF Following the death of Cedric in the Triwizard Tournament Harry becomes depressed and tries to take matters into his own hands.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter or anything else you recognise.  
  
After a very long absence from writing Fanfiction due to other commitments I am back so here we are I'm experimenting with writing different genres so this is my first angst.  
  
Harry sat on the end of his bed holding one of Uncle Vernons razors. He turned it over and over in his fingers. Wouldn't it just be so easy to end it now, what did he have to live for.  
  
This summer hadn't exactly been the best Harry had, had in his life. His last school year had ended with Lord Voldemort regaining power and Cedric Diggory dying. This holiday had brought several articles from Rita Skeeter all with the same content how it was all Harry's fault Cedric had died and that he probably wasn't entirely innocent in the matter. Harry realised it was his fault he had risen and he had been kidding himself that it wasn't. Hermione thought she had solved how to stop Rita writing stories about Harry when she had discovered Rita was a illegal animagus but Rita had registered herself and now they had no ammo against her. The Dursley's also hadn't helped how Harry was feeling they were treating him worse than ever before.  
  
Ron, Hermione and Sirius had written to Harry almost non-stop all summer trying to keep his spirits up but it hadn't worked. Harry picked the latest letter from Sirius that had arrived earlier that day off of his bed and re-read it.  
  
Dear Harry  
  
I'm convinced Moony's trying to kill me with his cooking. Anyway dear Voldie is still keeping a low profile so don't worry. Had to spend an entire day with Snape yesterday I almost killed him then again I don't think he was that far off killing me so there we go. Dumbledore is still trying to persuade Fudge his back (Not Snape, Voldemort.) but or course he doesn't believe him. Any way I've got to go, teatime.  
  
Love  
  
Snuffles  
  
Harry almost had to laugh at the way Sirius managed to make Voldemort sound about as evil as Walt Disney. At the moment though Harry felt about as close to laughing as he did volunteering to take part in extra curricular Potion's classes with Snape. He felt more trapped, far worse than if one hundred dementors were all in the same room as he was.  
  
The only good things in Harry's life at the moment were Ron, Hermione and Sirius. Even they couldn't make Harry feel better.  
  
It seemed the only option, the only way out. Harry lowered the razor nearer to his wrist.  
  
That was really short I know, sorry. Please review anyway. 


	2. Chapter Two

Thanks for all of the reviews.  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Five Minutes Later  
  
A man stood outside the door of Number Four Privet Drive. Although he seemed to be in his mid thirties he was already had a load of grey mixed in with his sandy brown hair. Next to him stood a large black shaggy looking dog. The dog growled impatiently.  
  
"Padfoot will you shut up your driving me mad" The man said to the dog. "I'm sure Harry's just fine, and remember what I said no kidnapping, Dumbledore will murder you if you do." The dog gave him a pleading look. "No you are not allowed to kidnap him that's final." He pressed the doorbell and waited.  
  
An extremely fat boy of around fifteen answered the door, the man had no doubt that this was Dudley, Harry's cousin.  
  
"Who are you?" He asked.  
  
"I'm here to see your father I'm from work." It couldn't hurt to tell a little lie could it?  
  
"Oh come in then I suppose" He followed Dudley into the house. "No dogs though." Dudley said after seeing the dog. " My Mum doesn't like them."  
  
"Oh he's very well trained."  
  
"Okay then." They were led into the living room where the rest of the Dursley's sat.  
  
"Who are you" Mr Dursley said.  
  
"He's from work he said." Dudley told him.  
  
"No he isn't."  
  
"Correct I'm not. I used to be a teacher of Harry's at school. I was friends with his parents while they were at school, honestly Petunia I'm surprised you don't recognise me! I'm Remus Lupin"  
  
" Lupin! But what, what are you doing here?" Petunia answered looking shocked at the sight of him.  
  
"Your one of them are you, get out we don't let your sort in this house." Uncle Vernon shouted at him. He then saw the dog behind him " And get that mangy mutt out of here to."  
  
"Now that's not a nice thing to call some one is it." Said the dog only it wasn't a dog any more but a man of about the same age as Remus. "I don't believe we've met, Vernon I presume, I'm Sirius Black Harry's godfather, I'd like to see my Godson if that's not to much bother and even if it is I'd still like to see him." All three of the Dursleys went white; Harry had told them that Sirius was a murderer who had escaped from wizard prison. In truth he had been framed for the murder and he had gone to Azkaban instead of the actual man.  
  
"N-N- now whatever Harry's told you it isn't t-t-true we've always taken good care of him." Uncle Vernon stuttered.  
  
"Which one is his bedroom?" Sirius enquired faking total politeness.  
  
"The first one on the right."  
  
"Thank you, for your kindness. Moony keep the Dursley's company for me." Sirius left the living room and started up the stairs. He knocked on the door of Harry's room and waited for an answer. When after a minute there had been no sound from the room he knocked again, still no reply.  
  
"Harry are you okay?" He said pushing open the door and going in.  
  
"Er Moony" Was the shout, which was heard less than two seconds later.  
  
Thanks for reading now please review. Please 


	3. Chapter Three

This chapter is mainly just Sirius and Remus talking and then Sirius and a doctor talking, not much else happens.  
  
Sirius was pacing up and down the hospital corridor outside the room Harry had been taken in when he had arrived in the ambulance. Sirius had gone with Harry and Remus had apparated there five minutes later. Sirius ran his hand through his hair in a nervous, agitated fashion.  
  
"Sirius will you please sit down," Remus hissed, "you're achieving nothing but wearing a hole in the floor and causing people to look at you, which considering who you are isn't a good thing."  
  
The look Remus got in return was one of pure ice but Sirius did sit down.  
  
"He will be alright Moony, won't he?" Sirius asked after about fifteen minutes of silence between the pair. His voice sounded strained. Remus surveyed his friends' face with a worried expression.  
  
"Probably Sirius," Remus replied, in a tone that sounded like he was trying to reassure himself as much as he was Sirius, "He's been in worse situations."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Well he.erm. he. he fell fifty foot off his broomstick third year and survived!"  
  
"Dumbledore saved him."  
  
"And he, um was bitten by a basilisk, or so Dumbledore say's, he survived that."  
  
Sirius looked up alarmed "When did that happen? Dumbledore never mentioned it to me."  
  
"Second year, down in the chamber of secrets. Fawkes, Dumbledore's phoenix healed the wound."  
  
"I thought the Chamber of Secrets was a myth." Sirius said looking slightly less alarmed than he had thirty seconds earlier.  
  
"It's not, get Harry to tell you about it when he's better."  
  
"Anyway do you see any phoenixes or Dumbledore around here to save Harry, answer, not unless their hiding under your seat." Sirius paused and ran his hand through his hair again, something Remus had noticed, in their long friendship, was something he always did when he was nervous or worried. "Moony, what if he's not alright, what if he, what it he dies. It'll all be my fault." Sirius had a defeated expression on his face, one that Remus had never seen or expected to see on Sirius's face.  
  
"How will it all be your fault Padfoot?" He said gently, "You weren't standing there with a razor."  
  
"If I hadn't swapped with Peter, if I hadn't gone after him, if I hadn't let him escape."  
  
"It isn't your fault, Padfoot, how were you meant to know?"  
  
"He's my godson, Remus, I let him, Lily and James down. It's my fault their dead." He shouted getting up, his temper getting the best of him. The people further down the corridor looked up at him, wondering what was causing the commotion. Remus grabbed his shirtsleeve and pulled him back down into his seat.  
  
"Sirius, will you shut up." He hissed in his friends' ear. Sirius put his head in his hands.  
  
"It's all my fault," He murmured, "I let them down." Remus put his hand on Sirius's shoulder.  
  
"Sirius, you haven't let him down at all. You're the one who found him. He'd be dead now if you hadn't." Sirius didn't answer.  
  
"Who is with Mr Harry Potter?" Said a doctor, coming out the room where Harry had been taken several hours earlier. Sirius looked up sharply.  
  
"I am."  
  
"Can you please come with me then." Sirius looked terrified at what the doctor was going to tell him, but followed the Doctor down the corridor into his office.  
  
"Is Harry okay?" Sirius asked as soon as the Doctor shut the door. The Doctor looked at him and, to Sirius's relief, smiled.  
  
"Your son has lost a great deal of blood, but we've managed to stabilise his condition and, providing there are no further complications, he should be fine."  
  
"Harry's not my son." Sirius said quickly, his face regaining it's natural colouring. "I'm his Godfather."  
  
"Oh, may I ask where his parents are then, Mr, sorry what is your name?" The Doctor asked.  
  
"Si." He stopped, giving out his real name probably wasn't that sensible, "Severus Snape." He said spurting out the first name that came to mind beginning with S; he instantly regretted his choice. Of all the names he could have chosen he had to choose Snape.  
  
"Thank you Mr Snape, Harry's parents, can we contact them?"  
  
"Er no, they're dead," Sirius said abruptly, "They died in a, erm, car crash when Harry was fifteen months old."  
  
"Oh I'm sorry, so you're his legal guardian."  
  
"Er yes," Sirius lied, well if he had his way he would be, "Yes I'm his guardian. So he's going to be okay?"  
  
"He should be."  
  
"Well can I see him?" Sirius asked  
  
"He won't be allowed any visitors until the morning, theres still some tests we need to do, and some questions I need to ask you."  
  
"Ah, fine okay." Sirius said, trying to sound fine about being asked questions but really dreading it.  
  
"Have you got any idea why Harry would try to commit suicide, has he been depressed recently, any recent events which may have triggered this response?"  
  
Sirius paused before answering, can't mention Cedric, Voldemort, Skeeter, magic or Hogwarts. What the hell am I meant tell them. "One of Harry's friends died in an accident at school last term. Harry was involved and keeps' thinking it was his entire fault." Sirius had always been gifted at lying but even he was surprised at how well he was doing now.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, were they very close friends?"  
  
"Close enough."  
  
"Okay, thank you Mr Snape, now could you please fill in a tiny bit of paperwork regarding Harry and then you can go and have something to eat perhaps."  
  
He reached in to one of the drawers in his desk and pulled out a wad of paper, which looked as though it was the same thickness as Hogwarts, a History. Sirius grimaced, even more lying coming up.  
  
Thanks for reading, adios for now. By the way please review, it makes me very happy. 


	4. Chapter Four

"Sirius will you please put Harry down, before you drop him." Sirius turned round and found himself face to face with a petite, red haired woman.  
  
"What makes you think I'd drop him Lil's?" Sirius asked, still cradling the dark haired infant in his arms.  
  
"Sirius, you are one of the clumsiest people I've ever met, what more proof do you need."  
  
"I haven't dropped him before," He said, his deep brown eyes pleading with the emerald green ones in front of him, "And I am his godfather."  
  
"Yeah and I'm his mother," Lily said, her arms outstretched, "Hand him over."  
  
"Fine." Sirius said grumpily, ruffling Harry's unruly black hair as he did so. It always amazed Sirius how, even though Harry was only thirteen months old, he had the same, totally out of control, hair that James had.  
  
"So how's the preparations going for the fidelius charm going?" Lily asked, putting Harry in the playpen in the corner of the room.  
  
"Not bad," Sirius replied, "Dumbledore is still trying to persuade James to make him the secret keeper."  
  
"He's still totally insistent on you."  
  
"I know that's what worries me."  
  
"Why? You said you'd be the secret keeper."  
  
"I know but." Sirius's voice trailed off.  
  
"But what Sirius, you won't let us down."  
  
"But what if I do."  
  
"You won't Sirius, I know you won't."  
  
Sirius stirred in his sleep, and woke up. His back was killing him, he made a mental reminder for himself, never to fall asleep on a plastic backed chair again. He stood up and walked over to the hospital bed where Harry lay, still unconscious. He looked so pale and fragile, Sirius couldn't believe that this was the same lively, bubbly baby he had been before, before Voldemort killed his parents.  
  
Sirius leant forward to brush the hair out of Harry's eyes. He could have sworn Harry stirred in his sleep, but Hrry didn't wake up. Sirius heard a knock at the door, it opened and a very triumphant looking Remus entered.  
  
"How's he doing?" Remus asked sitting down in the chair Sirius had just got off of.  
  
"Well he's still unconscious, but the doctor said his condition is improving."  
  
"Well that's good isn't it." Remus said, he paused, " I just contacted Albus, told him what happened and everything."  
  
Sirius looked up. "What did he say?"  
  
"Well, understandably, he was a bit shocked."  
  
"What's happening to Harry when he comes out of hospital? He can't send Harry back to the Dursley's, I won't let him go." Sirius said urgently.  
  
"That's what I told Albus, but he didn't seem convinced."  
  
"He can't really be thinking of sending Harry back there!" Sirius said shocked.  
  
"What did he decide in the end?"  
  
"He said that Harry could come and stay with us for the remainder of the holidays." Remus said grinning.  
  
Sirius looked at him, "You're being serious?" " No you're Sirius."  
  
"That jokes old." Sirius said, the ghost of a smile passing over his lips, "He can really stay with us?"  
  
"Yep." This time a smile really did pass over Sirius's lips.  
  
"Just how long did it take to persuade him? Albus was dead set on keeping at the Dursley's, he doesn't often change his mind."  
  
"Roughly four hours."  
  
"Oh." Only one more chapter to go, people. So if more people review, it may just influence me to post the next chapter quicker. 


	5. Chapter Five

Here we go the final chapter, enjoy.

Sirius hadn't stopped grumbling since the doctor's had chucked him out of Harry's room, saying that they needed to check on Harry's condition. Why they couldn't check on his condition while Sirius was in the room, Sirius didn't understand. 

Remus, who was sick to death of his friends grumbling, had decided it was time to change the topic. 

"Sirius do you remember Harry's first birthday?"

"Of course I do, why?"

"Harry's first word." 

"Yeah, Paggy wasn't it. He couldn't quite manage Padfoot"

"Oh lets not get into this argument again."

"What, it was." Sirius insisted.

"No it wasn't it was Moony, but that's not the point."

"There was no way he said Moony, or for that matter Daddy, like James was convinced he said."

"It _was_ Moony." Remus muttered under his breath.

"I heard that." 

"Heard what?"

A doctor coming out of Harry's room interrupted the conversation. Sirius rushed over to her.

"Can I go in yet, or am I stuck out here for another two hours?"

The doctor ignored his comments. "Harry has regained consciousness but…" Sirius interrupted her.

"What is he awake, can I see him?" 

"He is awake but he's very weak and tired. He probably won't even acknowledge your presence." 

"So," he pushed past the doctor and entered the room. Harry's eyes were shut and he was propped up on several pillows.

Sirius sat on the chair next to the bed; he brushed a stray piece of hair out of Harry's eyes. The same eyes blinked open, revealing for the first time in days the emerald orbs behind the eyelids. 

"Hi Harry." Sirius said softly. Harry looked confused.

"How did I get here? And where exactly is here?" He said weakly.

"You're in a hospital," Harry said nothing but was very careful to avoid Sirius's eyes. "How do you feel?"

Harry shrugged. "Harry," Sirius started before he faltered. He had no idea what to say to him, what do you say to a godson that you barely see and barely know, who's just tried to kill himself? 

"I'm tired." Harry said suddenly. 

"The doctor said you would be, maybe you should sleep." Sirius didn't get a response; he sat watching Harry as he slept. What could he say to Harry, he couldn't exactly go, _so hi mate, feeling better after slitting your wrists, we need to talk about that by the way? _But he couldn't just avoid the topic either_. _He was shooed out of the room again by a doctor, saying that he would disturb him. Sirius left without an argument. 

"How is he then?" Remus asked as Sirius came out.

"He's tired, didn't say much." Sirius said sitting down, the strain of the past few days clear on his face. He said nothing for a couple of minutes before he suddenly said; "I don't know what to say to him Moony."

"It's understandable,"

"Yeah thanks for that didn't help at all."

Remus threw him an exasperated look. "Don't bring the topic up straight away, wait 'til he's settled then either you bring it up or wait for him to."

"Why will Harry bring it up?"

"You'd be surprised."

"Anyway he barely knows me, you'd be better talking to him. You taught him for a year." Sirius said, a tone of uncertainty in his voice. He'd been waiting anxiously for him to wake for days and now he was awake he was scared to talk to him.

"Sirius, you're his godfather. When he wakes up again he's not going to want me is he? He'll want you. You're the one who got him through the Tri-Wizard Tournament. If it wasn't for you he wouldn't have made it this far." 

Sirius smiled at him; "I'm amazed that must be the only thing you've ever said in your life that actually made sense." 

The hours ticked by and Sirius was once again allowed back in Harry's room. He had woken up when the doctors had given him another check up. He was silent when Sirius entered the room.

"Feeling better now?" Harry didn't answer. Sirius decided to try Remus's tactic and changed the topic. "Are you hungry, because I can go and find some decent food for you if you want?" Harry still didn't answer. "Are you actually going to answer me or are you going to be as stubborn as your father." Harry looked at him.

"What?" He said,

"Well that's an improvement, at least you're talking to me now."

"I'm not stubborn." It was Sirius's turn to not answer. "I'm not!"

"What ever you say. So are you hungry or not?"

Harry shook his head, Sirius noticed he was still avoiding his gaze. 

"Harry…" Sirius started before he was interrupted. 

"Who found me?" Harry asked, Sirius looked at him startled. 

"Er, me." Sirius answered.

"Oh," Harry paused, "Why did you save me?" 

Sirius looked amazed, "Because you were dying and you're my godson, why do you think?" 

"But that was what I wanted I wanted to die."

"Well yeah, but you didn't really expect me to just leave you did you?" 

"Anyway, why were you at the Dursley's?" 

"To come and see you actually, Dumbledore gave us permission to visit you."

"You think I'm a weirdo don't you?" Harry said looking down at the hospital blanket covering him.

"Why would I think that?" Sirius asked, genuinely surprised.

"Because of, of…" He stopped and looked down at his wrists, which were covered in bandages. 

"Well I agree it wasn't one of your most brilliant ideas but I don't think you're a weirdo" 

"Really?"   
  


"Really." Sirius said, Harry looked up at him, and to Sirius surprise he was crying. "Oh no please don't cry, I'm terrible when people cry." He leant over and put his arms around the sobbing teenager, Harry quite willingly leant on his chest, still crying. Sirius rubbed his back. "It's okay, I'm here, Shhh…" 

"I didn't know what to do?" Harry managed to say in between sobs, "Everyone seemed to be against me." 

"I wasn't," Sirius said softly,

"Yeah but you weren't around were you." 

"Sorry," Sirius almost whispered, 

"It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was, I should have been there."

"But you couldn't, it's not your fault." Sirius didn't answer. "How long have I been here?" 

"A few days, you really worried me and Moony." 

"Professor Lupin's here?" 

"Yeah, he's sitting in the corridor." Sirius indicated at the door, "He's the one who called the ambulance actually."

"The Dursleys haven't been here, have they?"

"No, Moony did call them to tell them you were going to be okay, but they didn't really seem that interested."

"You can't send me back there when I come out of hospital." Harry looked up at Sirius, "You can't."

"Don't worry, you're not going back."   


"What did Dumbledore say I could go to the Burrow?" Harry asked, excited.

"No, not exactly."

"Then where am I staying?"

"With me."

"What, but you're a convicted criminal on the run, I can't believe Dumbledore would let me stay with you."

"I'm staying at Moony's at the moment actually, which means that if I do have to run for some reason at some point during the remaining four and a half weeks of the holiday you can stay with him."

"You mean I can really stay with you?"

"Only if you want to, you don't have to."

"Of course I want to." Harry, who had let go of Sirius a few minutes previous, hugged him. Sirius stroked the untidy black hair. Harry smiled, looked like this might end up being a better summer after all.

THE END

There we go all finished a happy ending. I'd like to thank everyone for reading it, and especially those of you who reviewed. I love you all for it. One final review would be nice you know, for old time sake.


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